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llStaCy27ll
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Name:
Country: United States
State: North Carolina
Metro: Charlotte
Birthday: 9/29/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: A little bit of everything....I'm ready to learn new INTERESTING things, that way I never get bored AND~> FROGGIES! RIBBIT RIBBIT! ^^
Expertise: Eating lots! YUM YUM YUM! And drinking way fast like *SLURP* The End! ^^ i'm also pretty good at listening. Just try me for real~
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  llStaCy27ll
AIM:  BigMommaStaCe
Member Since:
5/11/2003
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| I've had enough of trying so hard to hold onto something that's just not right. I'm letting go...
I keep saying this but it's easier said than done. I know what I need to do but I just can't seem to. I feel like I'm stuck on a string being yo-yoed back and forth between my heart and my head. I know what I need to do but what I want is something else.
Relationships are hard. I feel like I've been giving so much yet I think I've just been overwhelming the other person and at the same time feel like I've not given enough. And it hurts to be waiting and waiting to what seems like nothing. I'm tired and I'm now giving up...it's time to move on and stop lingering around for absolutely nothing. All I asked for was a little bit of time and some communication. That was apparently too much to ask for. Goodbye to that part of me, somehow I knew it was coming.
I think it's all part of growing up to feel this way. Reading back into my xanga I had a carefree tone, now all I talk about is how much life's changing, responsibilities, and uncertainty.
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| My life is changing whether for better or for worse I do not know. Regardless of who wants to be a part of it, who wants to stay out of it my life will keep going and I will have to keep pushing on. I don't have time to wait around anymore to be forgotten.
I feel like I'm so unsure of what to do anymore. When I was younger it seemed so easy to plan something and stick w/ it. Now everything keeps changing, sometimes too fast to keep up with. My future is a big blur I feel blind not knowing where I'm going and where I'll end up. I hope in the end I'll be okay. I know I'm just growing up faster than I really want to =]
Anyways, work has been okay. I've been able to manage so far but people can be so crazy, especially sick people. It's stressful. I'm ready to work this weekend and go back home to Charlotte for the good stuff! =D
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| I don't quite know what this aching pain is that I feel. It's like....could it be a heartbreak? That's how I feel right now, like I just had my heartbroken. Why? I don't know. It's one of the worst feelings, your gut is tied together, your eyes filled w/ tears, your lips are at a lost for words, your body just weak and hopeless. You're powerless knowing your life's changing faster than you can keep up and there's a void.
I guess even though nothing has happened to me right now...I feel a pain that lingers. Maybe it's a late reaction to something that's already happened. I don't know. I always try to stay positive and shrug things off to move forward but maybe it's all finally hitting me. The negativity, the struggles, the letting go and giving up, the loss of confidence I have in myself....and in others. What could it be? I do not know...but I feel it and it hurts.
I know I'll be okay...even though there are somethings in life I can't control, it's probably what's best for me anyway cuz only God knows and his judgment has always been better than mine 1000 times all my failures and more. Thank God I don't have to rely solely on myself, who knows where I'd be if that were so. I've been so blessed.
If you're one not to believe in God, I really don't know how you do it life's hard.
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| You certainly have soooo much free time for yourself when you have no TV, internet, and people you know! >.<; I don't know what to do with myself. Any suggestions of what to do with my time? Don't say exercise..I know I need to but I've never been motivated enough to. All I do is eat! Aiya~
I wanna fill my apartment with soooo many things but I have no $$$ *cries* wanna donate anything? ^^; I need furniture! I guess I can stand to be alone in an empty empty apartment for a couple more weeks/months. I'll have no choice! I wish my car wouldn't give me trouble.
Anyways, I've settled in somewhat...okay, so I didn't have much lol but after spending a night alone I came back home ^^; Only because I knew I would have time and I was lonely! Oh~ and I missed everyone. I'm going back early tomorrow morning and I know I won't be back for at least another couple of weeks. It's okay~ I start Monday! I'm excited and nervous.
So...my SOS's birthday is next week...what to do?!~ What do guys like? I don't even know if I'll get to see him =(
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| I've always said things like "I don't need a man in my life." When I think about it now I still don't think I necessarily NEED one. I was always comfortable being the single one. For the longest time I thought I would be single forever...and that would really be okay. Really (I've only been with one person). I enjoy learning about myself figuring out who I really am and doing things for myself. How can you learn how to treat and get along with others when you can't treat yourself right? I feel I can be independent and do things for myself. I have family and friends to support me. I enjoy where my life is, where it's headed and what I do. I think being single for most of my life has allowed me to learn what I want and really know who best fits me. (Or I'm just picky).
Some guys have told me they were scared and intimidated by girls like that. I'm not saying I'm that girl who's completely independent because I'm not. I know I have weaknesses. I can't do everything alone, I'm just one person. I just hated disliked this one guy because of what he said. He had the nerve to tell me he would be scared of me if I had the guts to do a "guy" thing alone. (Buying tires for my car). SO WHAT?! It's like shopping, idiot (Calm down Stace!). I'll live and learn.
But I see other girls who can't live alone and stand by themselves, always relying heavily leeching off of a man (if not one, two or more!). He's got his own life and plans girl, where's yours? Geez. There's other girls I know that have NEVER been single. NEVER~ now how can that be possible?? Spend much of your life attached to a guy?? Who are you apart from all of them? Is that what you live for?
I guess it's the way I was raised. I was raised to search life for more than just a companion.
What am I trying to get at with all this? My conclusion is that though I don't feel I absolutely NEED a man to live, I have that someone. Why? Because I know that from the beginning God made Eve for Adam because He saw Adam was alone in the world that He created. So even if I don't feel I need him, before he existed he needed me. =] So I pledge to try the best I can to be there for him so he won't be so lonely. ^^; Sorry, I didn't know before but I think I understand now.
My rant of the day, I'm glad no one reads xanga cuz my thoughts are somewhat distorted and vague but it's reasonable right? Well, my apologies if I offend anyone!
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